You Are Not Alone In Your Struggles With Alcohol

I blog because I read blogs that touched my life in a powerful way. Reading that someone was going through something that I was also walking through, made me feel less lonely in my struggle and that took away some of that struggles power over my life. And so, I started writing in 2011.

In February 2020, I will be 5 years sober. I always reflect on my journey with alcohol around Christmas because I am getting close to the time when I quit but its also a time of year I struggled through for probably 5 years leading up to the day I decided to hand over this addiction to The Lord. I would always tell myself that I would just have one glass of wine at the party but I could never draw those lines. The month of December was filled with social engagements that I couldn’t navigate in a healthy way, it left me going into January wanting a fresh start so bad, feeling empty and having very low self esteem. Consuming less alcohol was always at the top of my list of New Years resolutions but habits are hard for me to break on my own.

Spoiler alert, this story has a very happy ending, I am living it out right now, saved by grace and the strength of the Lord, I no longer struggle with alcohol. This is a story I actually like to tell but don’t often get the opportunity to share, its not hard for me to talk about and looking back and reflecting only gives me so much hope for the future. It was very dark at times though, there were many Monday mornings I was on my knees in the shower praying for God to help me, to take away this awful self loathing feeling, to help me remember pieces of my Saturday night. This is where lonely comes in, I think the only people I shared these rock bottom moments with were my mom and God. If you have known me for more than 5 years, you probably would not have even known this internal struggle was happening and let me tell you, it is hard to be strong alone. I am grateful that I ran to God, I can see that He was working on me for years, not just on the day I had my last sip, through the years when I felt so weak and lost, He was preparing me, He was with me, even on those Monday mornings in the shower. If you are in some kind of lonely struggle, do not give up, what you are waiting for is on the other side of this moment right here.

When I was first sober, I feared sharing these pieces of my story, because at that time I still believed that this part of my story defined who I would be in the future, now I know I am made new each day through the salvation of Jesus. What I viewed as something that would hold me back, placed in the hands of God, will propel me forward for the glory of God.

Here is the thing, there is still so much in my life that God is working out. Things and situations I still need to fully hand over to Him to make well. I can now fight these battles from a different vantage point, a heavenly perspective, as a daughter of the King, convicted but not condemned, set free to share the GOOD NEWS no matter my past or my current or my future, I am loved! Same goes for you my friend.

When my faith is wavering I like to look back and remember what He has already walked me out of.

We are finishing up a very large kitchen/living room renovation in our home, at this point we have renovated almost our entire home. We have lived here for about 11 years and its easy to focus on what still needs to be done and also easy to forget what has been accomplished. Like putting in a new furnace when we first purchased our home.

When we reflect back it can give us strength for the battles that are ahead, we are reminded of our own resilience and the steadfast character of God.

Getting to know God has not made my life perfect or removed struggles but it has given it purpose and especially in the messes, they are all for the glory of God. Don’t feel alone in your struggles, whatever they may be, you are not alone, God is with you and He is ready and waiting to help you walk it out.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

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xoxo

Audrey