How To Overcome Cyberbullying

I am a pretty confident person.

I kind of pride myself on being able to make decisions without giving too much care as to what others think.

I have been blogging since 2011, the community that has formed around my content and digital spaces is one of encouragement. Its a place I feel safe to share, meet new friends and converse with people on so many different topics that in the end unite us. Social media is powerful and super cool in my opinion.

In the summer of 2019 I received a message on Facebook with a link, all it said was “have you seen this, I thought you should see this”. An article had been written about myself and my husband that attacked our marriage, attacked my faith and attacked my appearance. I read the article, as I moved through it, my heart began to beat faster and faster. My face got hot and I started to spin.

I was at the park with my kids. My husband met me at the park when he was done work. Someone had sent him a similar message. We were confused, hurt and spinning with so many different emotions. Interestingly enough, one my friends showed up, she could see on our faces that we were not ok, she didn’t ask any questions, she just asked if she could pray for us.

There in the middle of a storm, in the middle of the park, God met us, He was ready to walk through this with us and so we prayed.

When we all got home I told Tyler I needed to go for a walk. So I walked by myself and I asked God, “why is this happening?”, He responded “if your going to do this work, and share my light with the world you need to be ready to fight and not fight like the world but fight like Jesus, with love, relentless love, quiet love, unconditional love”.

Ok God, love, show me how.

I resolved to move forward in love to the best of my abilities but it was not like all of my confidence was regained in that one walk. I had been knocked flat on my face and it took weeks, Bible Study, prayer and counselling to help me recover from this experience. I am grateful for the foundation of my faith in this situation, had this happened to me while I was in high school the devastation and my ability to recover would have been a different story. Even in my adult confidence the next few weeks were filled with stolen moments, moments where I second guessed my sharing on social media, something that filled me with such joy was stolen from me.

I have coping tools at my finger tips, but what about those young people who experience this kind of attack, how do they move forward? This is why I am so passionate about the issue of cyberbullying, this is why it’s important to recognize cyber bullying for what it truly is, a cry for attention, help and love.

Since the first article was written about my husband and I, I have had a handful of additional articles written about me in a negative light. God has given me the strength not to read those articles when the messages and links are sent to me.

Please understand, I am happy to engage in passionate and grace filled conversations with those who do not see things the same way I do, but communication that comes from an attacking stand point, I do not engage in. As a group, we can make a huge impact on the cyberbullying world by simply not engaging, by not visiting the trash websites to see what is being written about ourselves and others. This type of content will only poison you and feed the issue. We can rise above it.

So how do we move forward though, if we have been hurt? I try my best to use my hurt as fuel to love and build others up, thats one thing that in the end makes me feel really great. Tyler agrees, he used this to motivate himself also, he shared this with me last week as we talked through the experience.

Around the same time that this happened, I missed out on tickets to a blogger conference that I really wanted to go to.

As i found my footing again, I started to share a little of what happened to me on social media and so many people started sharing with me their own experiences with online harassment and cyberbullying.

I knew I needed to infuse our community with love and light in a big way. I sent an email to The Birds Papaya and asked if she would come speak in Sarnia, I loved her light and attitude toward inclusion, I knew she would be the perfect person to bring us together and inspire us. When Sarah agreed to come speak, I had nothing booked but everything fell into place and our community rose up in a massive way to be a part of this event. The event sold out in one day and its success was due to the love and support of our community. Planning and executing HAL SOCIALS assured me that our community and my social community is good.

People are good.

If you are reading this and you are one of the people who has written mean things about me, I forgive you. I am not mad and I would love to get to know you more.

If you are being attacked, seek help in rising above it and try to respond in love.

I once read that carrying around anger and hate is like drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick. This is true.

HAL SOCIALS Oct 2020 is in the works as well as HAL SOCIALS Winter 2021.

My experience with cyberbullying was absolutely challenging and hurt filled but is one i am now grateful for. When handed to God, He taught me how to love differently, a love I wasn’t aware of and He used it to propel me into a career path that wasn’t even on my radar.

If you are struggling with bullies, send me a message, I am happy to lend an ear too and help point you in the right direction.

Lots of love always,

Heather