One of the anxieties I experienced while I was pregnant, was the fear that something bad would happen to Tyler or our marriage and I would have to be a parent on my own. I was so excited to be a family and share all of the parenting adventures with Tyler, it was paralyzing to think about having to be a single parent.
While I was pregnant I prayed a lot about how to overcome this fear and I asked God to help me trust Him. God promises us that he will never give us anything in life that we don't have the skills and ability to handle. He also asks us to trust Him.
In addition to studying the Bible, I also study the practice of yoga and non attachment is something I have read a lot about. Yoga teaches that being attached to things and people can have a negative effect on our lives in different ways. For me, being extremely attached to Tyler caused me anxiety and fear. Instead of worrying about what negative things could happen in the future, I need to be present and enjoy what is happening right now.
When Tyler, Luke and I returned home from the hospital I was confronted head on with my fear, Tyler was going to be going on nights and I would be alone with Luke through the evenings. I was exhausted and emotional and sad that I would be alone at night but I knew that it was the best thing for our family at that time so I started to pray. I asked for courage and peacefulness and for my sadness and loneliness in the evenings to disappear.
Through my prayers, I learned that I need to rely on God first before anyone else and that I am capable of handelling the situations I once feared. The more I talked to God, the less alone I felt. I was filled with a calm and the strength to go through my motherly tasks enjoying the special time with my son despite being tired. God answered my prayers for comfort in the form of my family and friends, I had lots of visitors during the evenings so I was rarely alone all night.
With God on my side I can handle anything and I am grateful for the lessons I learned through this challenging time.
God doesn't always give us what we want in the form we think it should be delivered and sometimes we need to go through a challenge to truly grow.
Thanks be to God!